Well, here we are again. Kind of. I suppose it is a little different, considering there’s one more baby I have to care for. Maybe that’s part of my problem. It’s just the same old thing. I’m not prepared for the day; that in itself isn’t a big deal. It’s the reality that I have to be perfect in order to keep one of my children on track. Now that’s impossible; I normally don’t think that’s what I have to be. However, for her it’s true, and because I’m not, I have to deal with her out of control behavior. The feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen is flooding over me. I know that God is in control. I also know only He Will give me the strength and wisdom to keep going. But I’m weary. I am starting to feel like I can’t enjoy my other kids, and especially my baby. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I’m praying that God Will grant me wisdom yo deal with it. I so deeply desire for all this to go away though. I guess it’s time for me to count my blessings. Name them. And trust Him. My flesh is fighting against it. I want to be delivered.
Category Archives: Special Needs
What truly matters
Well, the day is almost through. As the darkness grows, I sit here pondering my day. Did I accomplish what I needed today. I can think of a hundred household chores and school activities that we didn’t get to. I begin to get anxious. The doubts press in hard. Slowly, I breathe in and breathe out. I focus my thoughts on Truth. Christ fills my mind and the Spirit moves my heart. I remember that my goal is not to do everything I “should”. My goal, and what I strive for daily, hourly, and every minute is to become more like Him. I make mistakes. Boy, do I make mistakes. I also have won many victories by His power. Today held many victories. Looking at them individually, they don’t look like much….but..each minute that I can claim victory over trials and sin builds into hours and days of glory to Jesus!
My family is learning and growing. Along with that, they are becoming more independent as their personality allows. Our home is becoming more calm, more reliable. We are making progress. God is transforming our hearts into His creation.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
Does anything matter but this?
